Practicing Forgiveness

Stormie Omartian said, "We choose to forgive, whether we feel like it or not. It's a decision, not a feeling."* She also pointed out that forgiveness is not a one-time deal. We may need to make that choice every two seconds when we're in the presence of someone who has frayed our last nerve.

I'd already decided to forgive several people I'd been grudging. Their ways, their manners, how I felt disrespected…Over the years I'd become a deaf defensive reactionary. Written or verbal, when they spoke, I couldn't hear them. I stopped listening.

Of course, grudging leads to bitterness, which is very unhealthy. Do not underestimate the power of the dark side.

(Yes, you should say that in a Darth Vader voice.)

So I decided to forgive, though I don't feel very loving or forgiving when I think of these folks. I decided they were being themselves, and it wasn't their fault they couldn't think like me. They're not me. That's actually a good thing.

One of these people asked for my help. They wanted me to explain something they didn’t' understand. Despite numerous meetings, they were still trying to wrap their heads around a technical project.

I obliged. Unhappily.

And was quickly frustrated. Their historically brusque style pinged my defensiveness. Are you even hearing what I'm saying? How many times do I have to tell you this is an example document, not the actual filing category? Lord help me.

I forgive you for being you. Declaring this helped me remember they were trying to understand.

Something my boss said came to mind - 'You're two steps ahead of everyone else'. My heart softened a little bit more.

I forgive you for being you.

I must've said it at least four times, as questions went on to tangents and misconceptions were re-corrected.

I never felt forgiving. There was no warm and fuzzy. But with every declaration came a recognition of who and where they were.

My pride shrank a little. My grace grew a little.

*from The Power of a Praying Woman