Of course it's about identity

Race may be a social construct, but it is based on a biology that is, at this point, immutable. One drop was enough to be categorized as inferior to the purebred blend.

We could say that in America, race describes your heritage. Where your ancestors came from and how they carried on after they arrived. For most, black describes a person whose heritage is the Sub-Saharan African experience on American soil.

The heritage of the European experience on American soil is what most consider to be white.

In high school, two white acquaintances told me they didn't think of me as black (which I think it was supposed to be a compliment).

As an adult, a black family friend often teases my mom about how my siblings and I are not black enough.

So what, in addition to wigs and weaves and manufactured tan, does Rachel Dolezal mean when she says she is black?

Of course it's about identity.

An Angry Day

After a day or so of paying attention moderate attention to the story about a now former NAACP leader passing as black, I was ready to return to my casually peripheral awareness of the news. Donald Trump is running for president? Yawn. But it was not to be.

An LA Times piece set me in a bad mood for the day. More particularly, the following passage:

I came across a series of video interviews conducted by a young white student relying on professor Dolezal to deconstruct black women.

According to Dolezal — speaking as one of us — we're always worrying about our hair. And how we dress. And how we talk. And whether to use our EBT cards to buy groceries when white customers are around.

Sometimes we want to be free to not care about our appearance, she said. But we don't want whites to think "those people have a lower standard of hygiene."

This is all a "fairly universal experience for black women in a majority white area," she insisted as the camera rolled.

Really? The core of our actions is fear of white people? We're so cowed, flinching in fear of an imaginary fist, we expend inordinate amounts of energy considering how best to prevent a two second side eye from a relatively pale stranger?

Uh, no. How dare she suggest we can't think of ourselves without reference to white people?

  

Mid-morning, a comment from Jay Smooth appeared in one of my twitter feeds:

"I certainly can't be seen as white and be Izaiah's mom," <-- How, how, how is Matt Lauer letting that one go with no follow up q?

Wait, what? How can I not be incensed and offended by the implications of that sentence in quotes? Halle Berry. Shemar Moore. My mom's pastor & his wife, whose youngest daughter is Ethiopian. A woman at the church I used to attend, who adopted a two kids out of foster care. A friend from college, whose mom was kicked out of the house when the family learned she was pregnant by a black man. A friend from junior high. A friend from…you see my point, right?

My mind is still hissing like steam escaping. More puppies and rainbows and good comedy, please.

This Duggar Thing

Or rather, my questions and comments about this Duggar thing. I'm not going to rehash the whats-it – relatively accurate information about the sexual abuse which was committed 13 years ago can easily be found online.

Why did he do it? Does he know why he did it?

I ask because some may find it helpful for healing

if he could explain why he did what he did for however long he did it.

Herein lies an opportunity to begin a mature conversation about

the nature(s) of this type of abuse,

why one may abuse at such an age and in such a way, and, of course,

potential ways to prevent others from engaging in this type of abuse.

How old were the victims at the time?

We may assume the victims were both pubescent and moderately developed, for why would one fondle an undeveloped breast? But logic does not necessarily apply in cases of sexual abuse.

While no less grave, there is a peculiar kind of horror the farther the distance between the ages of the victim and the abuser. I would like to be assured the horror is not as large as I can imagine.

What sort of help did the victims receive?

He received "counseling" in the form of roughly 4 months of exile and hard labor, followed by a stern talking to from a law enforcement professional. What, if anything, did the girls receive?

I hope they know they did nothing wrong, nothing to deserve such treatment. And despite it continuing for a year after the patriarch was first made aware, who ever told,

and told again,

and told again,

did the right thing in telling.

Forgiveness & Responsibility

Many Christians are taught that God forgives us utterly and completely. Many of us are also taught that forgiveness is not the same as escaping the consequences of our actions. We are forgiven, but must take responsibility for what we have done.

Because the son did not face the legal consequences of his actions at the time of the abuse,

and because the parents and other adults did not seek to enforce such consequences,

some have a sense he did not and has not taken responsibility for his actions.

So when some hear the call for forgiveness,

the sound echoes as an effort to avoid responsibility.

********** 

The last time I regularly stopped on TLC, it was to watch Trading Spaces and While You Were Out. My awareness of the reality TV stars which have come from the TLC universe is peripheral at best; I only recognize the family name from the copious ads for one of the daughters' wedding. I've never seen the show, did not know it had been on as long as it has, and have no intention of trying to watch past episodes on the internet. For the most part, I have little regard for folks whose claim to fame is reality television, particularly those whose 'talent' is being on a reality TV show*.

That is to say, I don't particularly loathe or love the family. I wish them no ill will.

*Exhibit A: The Kardashians. Remember when Cardassian was simply species on Star Trek? And while the Ds are not the Ks, their claim to fame appears to be having a lot of kids. Which would be of entertainment interest to me if they were either looking for a house or remodeling their house. Otherwise, <a la Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive>, "I don't care."

On Valuing Women's Bodies

A February 2015 ESSENCE article listed seven attributes which led a man to marry his wife. Written by a man, Point # 6, titled She Isn't Easy, caught my eye

She respected and valued her body. She wouldn't let me sleep with her on the first night, the first week, the first month like every other woman I'd met until that point.

She wouldn't let me. . .

Why were you trying?

Dear Men,

I am beyond tired of being told to keep my legs shut while you are trying to get between them. Why do I have to defend myself to be considered respectable? Why do I have to prove to you that my body is to be valued?

How 'bout you respect me by not trying to sleep with me on the first night, first week, first month? How 'bout you show me how much you value me by not pressing the issue?

Cordially,

What Kind of Ministry is This?

A December 2014 ESSENCE article was about an AIDS infected woman who had been featured twenty years prior. What caught my attention 

Rae Lewis-Thornton was a newlywed when her ESSENCE cover hit newsstands. “When we got married, my husband would say his ministry was to watch me die, and when I died he was going to travel the country sharing his story as my caregiver,” she says.

WHAT?!

I can't even. But I'm going to try anyway.

What kind of man, what kind of husband, is so self-centered, so self-absorbed, that instead of hoping for his wife's recovery, he anticipates her death so that he might become world renowned? How empty and insincere is his "pain"? An impassionate stare as she coughs in the other room; the perfunctory fluffing of pillows and a sad smile as he bides his time.

His "ministry" was to watch her die? How far from God do you have to be to watch someone die with a heart eager to profit from their death? How far, with a heart uninterested in caring for their life?

As her health improved, the marriage deteriorated.

Yea it did. God said, that was your ministry, not mine.

On Gluttony

Seriously, though. Simple overeating is not the equivalent of Gluttony. Never has been.

Gluttony is the refusal to be satisfied.

Consider a charity crab feed. One of those events where you bring your own butter, and devour as much shellfish as you can handle.

You've seen this person. Sitting in the banquet hall, disdain for the house wines, for the presence of Coke instead of Pepsi. When the bucket of cooked but cold crab legs is set before them, they sniff

Crab tastes so much better warm, with butter too hot to touch

and almost (almost) refuse to eat.

Pretentiously picky. In our culture, this is a mark of gluttony.

Challah

I had a taste for challah. Not the full loaf, just a little bit. A knot or two would do.

Alas, challah is not sold in knots for individual consumption. The braided bread, traditionally eaten at Friday night Shabbat and on special Jewish occasions, was not made to be eaten alone. It is a communal bread, meant to be shared. With friends, family, strangers.

So it is with us. Laughter, Joys, Burdens, Tears – we are not meant to experience life alone.