Re: All Lives Matter

I posted a little something on Facebook at roughly 5 am, with the thought, Right. I'll fix it in Post. And so, after more than 12 hours of percolation, I present a less rough cut of the idea that Black Lives Matter and Blue Lives Matter are not mutually exclusive sentiments. Please enjoy.

In a Facebook post about the recent murders of law enforcement officers, Frank Somerville, a Bay Area news anchor, noted

Not all police are bad.

And not all young black men a criminals.

And I think we all need to realize that.

I would modify his statement to say not all black people are criminals, but in essence, his point is what I've tried to make in previous blog posts.

See, if you post an item to social media with language like but cops shoot black criminals and people are up in arms,

I get the impression you don't understand the second line of Mr. Somerville's statement. It would seem you believe that when law enforcement chooses to interact with a black person, that black person is automatically, and perhaps inherently, a criminal.

That belief is a lie.

Some of the negative assumptions about who black people are (and what black people deserve) are at the root of the incidents which spurred the term Black Lives Matter. To refute with All Lives Matter ignores both our history AND our present. All Lives is something to aspire to, not something that is.

Because if all lives truly mattered, we wouldn't tolerate the racism, sexism and classism which exist in our society. If we truly believed all lives mattered, we would act accordingly. To insist All Lives Matter is the current state of affairs is an exercise in delusion.

But

If by stating All Lives Matter you are expressing a desire or determination to turn a dream into reality, you are echoing the sentiment of Black Lives Matter. For in a small way, that is what the movement seeks to do.

One more thing.

It's easy to fall into the mutual exclusivity trap. It may seem the friend who posts tons of pro-Black Lives Matter stuff doesn't care about Blue Lives,

and the friend who posts tons of pro-Blue Lives Matter stuff doesn't care about Black Lives.

But unless they've told you as much – either directly or via the comments they've posted – you have no basis for such an assumption. The two sentiments are not mutually exclusive.

Instead, consider such friends as being on one of the many fronts of a battle to protect innocent lives.

The Dangers of Facebook

This meme was in my Facebook Newsfeed one morning

<deep sigh>

If you believe Walter Scott and Tamir Rice were criminals, I don't understand you. It's not that we can't talk about other things, but on this point, we'd need a Rosetta Stone.

If you imply the most recent protests are rioting, I disagree with you with the same level of disrespect with which you make such an inference.

That non-batting of the eyes you are witnessing is due to Mainstream Media's focus on Donald Trump. Voices raised over yet another filmed example of systematic racism have nothing to do with it.

And to imply

Believing Walter Scott's death was unjust = Yawning over service members' deaths at the hands of lone gunmen

Is to set up a false equivalency.

Humanity has the capacity to be alarmed at two different but equally tragic instances of murder. Let's not shortchange ourselves by pretending otherwise.

On Bland and Cosby

On Sandra Bland

From what I can tell, Sandra Bland's crime was having an attitude, for not knowing her place.

One thing's for sure - I'm going make sure my door is locked next time I'm pulled over.

You know there's something wrong when a law abiding citizen is afraid of being pulled over for a broken headlight.

On Bill Cosby

The pain of it is, he was such an influential man, so integral to the fabric of our entertainment landscape.

Did you know he was the first African-American to win an Emmy, for I Spy? A TV show that featured him as an equal to Robert Culp?

Did you know that before he demanded otherwise, white stuntmen would do their jobs in blackface when stunting for a black actor?

He is part of the pantheon of great comedians; many who were influenced by Pryor were equally influenced by Cosby's storytelling.

The Cosby Show put me on TV. As a middle class black girl, I saw my family and aspects of my world in the show. All of the other black family shows used 'the ghetto' as a reference point. I cannot overstate the importance of seeing yourself reflected in the mass media. In retrospect, I felt a little less different and alone because of it.

And after A Different World, what was the next show to focus on life in college?

Disheartening is too soft a term.

How could one who helped pave the way be so horrifyingly insecure?

Re: The Confederate Flag

1. TVLand shouldn't have pulled The Dukes of Hazard off the air. As a reflection of its times and the reason why so many of us begged our parents to let us get into the car through the window, it's fluff entertainment. If the network was that concerned about the presence of the flag, they shouldn't have put the episodes into rotation in the first place. So it'll be back on the air in what – August? September?

2. What we call the Confederate Flag has always been a symbol of White Pride and White Supremacy. It may not have been conscious for some, but that is the Heritage which is celebrated. Why else has it been so prominently used by the Klan and Neo-Nazi groups? Why else did it gain prominence in the wake of Brown vs. the Board of Education?

3. We should all probably (re)watch Ken Burn's Civil War.

4. I get that some white Southerners were indeed fighting for the little they had. They didn't own slaves, and the economic benefits of slavery didn't trickle down to them. They were likely conscripted into service, or were paid to take a wealthier person's place. Maybe for some, the Confederate flag represents what the family went through, the war they survived?

5. Changing the names of schools and statues and bridges and streets, etc. should be on a case by case basis. Let's not be like the Taliban, destroying the history of a region. We need not celebrate it, per se, but it could be informative, instructional. It's important to know that such and such statue was erected in the days after Reconstruction, when lynchings began to increase. Or that the bust of so and so came to be displayed prominently in the State House after schools were ordered to integrate. In some cases, the landmark is remembered for something other than who it is named for.

Take the Edmund Pettus Bridge. Named for a Confederate general and a Klan Grand Dragon (thanks, Wikipedia), it is best known as the site of the Selma March led by Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Don’t change the name. We should be elated by the fact the bridge is known for ideals its namesake vehemently opposed.

6. Let's not forget that the North and West is/has been just as racist as the South, if not more so. The most infamous race riots in American History all took place in Northern cities. That riot at the end of Gangs of New York? White mobs burned down a Black orphanage and killed 11 men over the course of 5 days. Have we forgotten about the Internment Camps? Here, learn a little bit about Alvarez vs. Lemon Grove.

Do not be deceived - American racism is not encapsulated in the Confederate flag. The Stars & Stripes do that just fine.

Of course it's about identity

Race may be a social construct, but it is based on a biology that is, at this point, immutable. One drop was enough to be categorized as inferior to the purebred blend.

We could say that in America, race describes your heritage. Where your ancestors came from and how they carried on after they arrived. For most, black describes a person whose heritage is the Sub-Saharan African experience on American soil.

The heritage of the European experience on American soil is what most consider to be white.

In high school, two white acquaintances told me they didn't think of me as black (which I think it was supposed to be a compliment).

As an adult, a black family friend often teases my mom about how my siblings and I are not black enough.

So what, in addition to wigs and weaves and manufactured tan, does Rachel Dolezal mean when she says she is black?

Of course it's about identity.

An Angry Day

After a day or so of paying attention moderate attention to the story about a now former NAACP leader passing as black, I was ready to return to my casually peripheral awareness of the news. Donald Trump is running for president? Yawn. But it was not to be.

An LA Times piece set me in a bad mood for the day. More particularly, the following passage:

I came across a series of video interviews conducted by a young white student relying on professor Dolezal to deconstruct black women.

According to Dolezal — speaking as one of us — we're always worrying about our hair. And how we dress. And how we talk. And whether to use our EBT cards to buy groceries when white customers are around.

Sometimes we want to be free to not care about our appearance, she said. But we don't want whites to think "those people have a lower standard of hygiene."

This is all a "fairly universal experience for black women in a majority white area," she insisted as the camera rolled.

Really? The core of our actions is fear of white people? We're so cowed, flinching in fear of an imaginary fist, we expend inordinate amounts of energy considering how best to prevent a two second side eye from a relatively pale stranger?

Uh, no. How dare she suggest we can't think of ourselves without reference to white people?

  

Mid-morning, a comment from Jay Smooth appeared in one of my twitter feeds:

"I certainly can't be seen as white and be Izaiah's mom," <-- How, how, how is Matt Lauer letting that one go with no follow up q?

Wait, what? How can I not be incensed and offended by the implications of that sentence in quotes? Halle Berry. Shemar Moore. My mom's pastor & his wife, whose youngest daughter is Ethiopian. A woman at the church I used to attend, who adopted a two kids out of foster care. A friend from college, whose mom was kicked out of the house when the family learned she was pregnant by a black man. A friend from junior high. A friend from…you see my point, right?

My mind is still hissing like steam escaping. More puppies and rainbows and good comedy, please.

This Duggar Thing

Or rather, my questions and comments about this Duggar thing. I'm not going to rehash the whats-it – relatively accurate information about the sexual abuse which was committed 13 years ago can easily be found online.

Why did he do it? Does he know why he did it?

I ask because some may find it helpful for healing

if he could explain why he did what he did for however long he did it.

Herein lies an opportunity to begin a mature conversation about

the nature(s) of this type of abuse,

why one may abuse at such an age and in such a way, and, of course,

potential ways to prevent others from engaging in this type of abuse.

How old were the victims at the time?

We may assume the victims were both pubescent and moderately developed, for why would one fondle an undeveloped breast? But logic does not necessarily apply in cases of sexual abuse.

While no less grave, there is a peculiar kind of horror the farther the distance between the ages of the victim and the abuser. I would like to be assured the horror is not as large as I can imagine.

What sort of help did the victims receive?

He received "counseling" in the form of roughly 4 months of exile and hard labor, followed by a stern talking to from a law enforcement professional. What, if anything, did the girls receive?

I hope they know they did nothing wrong, nothing to deserve such treatment. And despite it continuing for a year after the patriarch was first made aware, who ever told,

and told again,

and told again,

did the right thing in telling.

Forgiveness & Responsibility

Many Christians are taught that God forgives us utterly and completely. Many of us are also taught that forgiveness is not the same as escaping the consequences of our actions. We are forgiven, but must take responsibility for what we have done.

Because the son did not face the legal consequences of his actions at the time of the abuse,

and because the parents and other adults did not seek to enforce such consequences,

some have a sense he did not and has not taken responsibility for his actions.

So when some hear the call for forgiveness,

the sound echoes as an effort to avoid responsibility.

********** 

The last time I regularly stopped on TLC, it was to watch Trading Spaces and While You Were Out. My awareness of the reality TV stars which have come from the TLC universe is peripheral at best; I only recognize the family name from the copious ads for one of the daughters' wedding. I've never seen the show, did not know it had been on as long as it has, and have no intention of trying to watch past episodes on the internet. For the most part, I have little regard for folks whose claim to fame is reality television, particularly those whose 'talent' is being on a reality TV show*.

That is to say, I don't particularly loathe or love the family. I wish them no ill will.

*Exhibit A: The Kardashians. Remember when Cardassian was simply species on Star Trek? And while the Ds are not the Ks, their claim to fame appears to be having a lot of kids. Which would be of entertainment interest to me if they were either looking for a house or remodeling their house. Otherwise, <a la Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive>, "I don't care."

On Valuing Women's Bodies

A February 2015 ESSENCE article listed seven attributes which led a man to marry his wife. Written by a man, Point # 6, titled She Isn't Easy, caught my eye

She respected and valued her body. She wouldn't let me sleep with her on the first night, the first week, the first month like every other woman I'd met until that point.

She wouldn't let me. . .

Why were you trying?

Dear Men,

I am beyond tired of being told to keep my legs shut while you are trying to get between them. Why do I have to defend myself to be considered respectable? Why do I have to prove to you that my body is to be valued?

How 'bout you respect me by not trying to sleep with me on the first night, first week, first month? How 'bout you show me how much you value me by not pressing the issue?

Cordially,

What Kind of Ministry is This?

A December 2014 ESSENCE article was about an AIDS infected woman who had been featured twenty years prior. What caught my attention 

Rae Lewis-Thornton was a newlywed when her ESSENCE cover hit newsstands. “When we got married, my husband would say his ministry was to watch me die, and when I died he was going to travel the country sharing his story as my caregiver,” she says.

WHAT?!

I can't even. But I'm going to try anyway.

What kind of man, what kind of husband, is so self-centered, so self-absorbed, that instead of hoping for his wife's recovery, he anticipates her death so that he might become world renowned? How empty and insincere is his "pain"? An impassionate stare as she coughs in the other room; the perfunctory fluffing of pillows and a sad smile as he bides his time.

His "ministry" was to watch her die? How far from God do you have to be to watch someone die with a heart eager to profit from their death? How far, with a heart uninterested in caring for their life?

As her health improved, the marriage deteriorated.

Yea it did. God said, that was your ministry, not mine.